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Take your date to the Satanic Church
You and your date stride off to visit the local Satanic Church.
"Hey," says Chuck the Demon, "Welcome to the Satanic Church. Are you sold or unsold?"
Your date says, "Sold." Which kind of surprises you. Your soul was never worth more than a measly free trip to Disney world, and you figure that you deserve more for committing yourself to eternal damnation.
You decide to strike up a conversation over it. "So, what did you sell your soul for?" you ask innocently.
"Two Superbowl tickets," Your date says nonchalantly.
You emit a low whistle. "Sorry," you admit, "I have to get that looked at."
Your date smiles politely, but before they can say anything, the pastor steps forward.
"Brothers and sisters!" he yells, "We are gathered here for... for... oh no," his eyes lock on yours, "Not you... You promised you'd never return."
You wonder what the heck the preacher is talking about, then you notice that your date is now floating several feet in the air spewing pea soup over all the members sitting close to you. Before anything else can happen, your date morphs into an evil demonic figure. "I've come for you!" your date says in an otherworldly voice. "GIVE ME YOUR ENERGY!"
"Stop right there!" a girl's voice behind you says. You turn to look, and see it belongs to a girl in some variation of a Japanese girl's school uniform. Several of the stained glass windows break, and more girls in the same uniform leap through.
"I am Sailor Moon!" she yells, "I am sworn to defend the world from nega-scum, and that means you!" She strikes various poses as she speaks.
You rub your chin thoughtfully. You can't deny that all your life you fantasized about beating the tar out of Sailor Moon. You motion to your date to come closer, and they lean down next to you. "Hey," you say, "Let me handle the Sailor Brats. You sit this one out." Your date shrugs and descends back to their seat. Meanwhile, you leap up. "Alright, listen moonie, you can't possibly compete with my HyperPoke, nor could you ever face the might of Johnny Wallbank!"
Sailor moon looks at you oddly. "Wait, you don't understand, I'm here to-" You cut her off by screaming the name of your move while preforming it in classic Anime style. She is hit right in the gut by a critical HyperPoke. She squeaks a sound of alarm as she disappears from this plane of existence.
"Well crap," Says one of the girls who must be Sailor Mercury, "How the heck are we supposed to beat anything without Sailor Moon's one-hit-KO attacks?"
Sailor Jupiter shrugs, "I don't know, but maybe if we attack him enough he'll eventually get bored and leave."
"I tried to warn you," Sailor Venus sighed, "None of the episodes ever did this. I warned you that if we started doing fan works, these kinds of impossible things would happen."
You! A fan! The mere thought infuriates you. You gesture intensely and smile as Sailor Venus is swept away in a blast of oFish. The other Sailor Scouts stare at you. "Well," Sailor Mercury says, "That's two of us. We might as well quit now.
"NO!" Sailor Mars, who up to this point has kept her yap shut, says, "We must fight! For Sailor Moon!"
The other scouts emit what under very loose definitions could be considered a rallying cry, and begin posing to preform their attacks. You casually walk up to each one and HyperPoke them as they attempt to pose as quickly as possible. Finally, they're all gone, defeated. Good job!