• View
• Edit
• History
• Print

Slow Moving Man

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 1

The Tattletale

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 2

The Invincible Kneecap

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 3

Milk Man

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 4

Disrespectful Boy

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 5

Can Jump Higher Man

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 6

The Fabulous Fairy

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 7

Ceiling Fan Man

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 8

Fuzzy the Wonderdog

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 9

Ladies' Man

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 10

A big guy that grabs people's feet.

Bad Hero/Villian ideas 11

Roller Coaster puke cleaner.

Bad Jobs 1

Belly Cheese Maker

Bad Jobs 2

Firing squad tester.

Bad Jobs 3

Road licker.

Bad Jobs 4

Pizza wetter.

Bad Jobs 5

Moistener

Bad Jobs 6

Beehive wiper.

Bad Jobs 7

Feline sniffer.

Bad Jobs 8

Car crash dummy.

Bad Jobs 9

Writer of Pointless books.

Bad Jobs 10

Photo lab drone

Bad Jobs 11

Rocks

Bad Pets 1

Your belly cheese

Bad Pets 2

Your next door neighbor

Bad Pets 3

Your teacher

Bad Pets 4

A chair

Bad Pets 5

A Christmas tree

Bad Pets 6

Pillows

Bad Pets 7

Garbage bags

Bad Pets 8

Markers

Bad Pets 9

Paper airplanes

Bad Pets 10

A child made out of flour

Bad Pets 11

Your only pencil

Bad Pets 12

Butter

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 1

Belly Cheese

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 2

Very small rocks

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 3

Rubber Chickens

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 4

Mud

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 5

Watermelons

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 6

Computer disks

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 7

Key rings

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 8

Hot dogs

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 9

Cat Hair

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 10

That terrorist playing card deck

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 11

Torsos

Christmas Tree Decorations that Never Made It 12

Mommytopia

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 1

Disneyland

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 2

Terroristan

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 3

The United States of Utah

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 4

Girlia

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 5

Toejamaca

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 6

The USSA

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 7

The Mushroom Kingdom

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 8

Stupidia

Countries not recognized by the United Nations 9

Don't ask if your date has belly cheese, and if you can use it.

Date Tips 1

Don't pass gas frequently, especially on the goodbye kiss.

Date Tips 2

Never try to impress your date buy showing him/her the twenty pennies you can stick up your nose, especially if you plan on using them to tip the waiter.

Date Tips 3

I can garantee your date will not want to see your M&M collection.

Date Tips 4

Chuck E. Cheese's is NOT considered fine dining.

Date Tips 5

Don't consider school a date, not even if you bring flowers and candy in class.

Date Tips 6

Don't make any sort of abnormal sounds at the table (Wet sneezes, loud hisses, and extraordinarily loud burps).

Date Tips 7

If you're going to break up with your date, make sure your new object of affection isn't around. Especially if it's your date's twin.

Date Tips 8

Don't drive like James Bond, especially when it is your date's father's car.

Date Tips 9

Always make sure that you don't have any belly cheese before the date.

Date Tips 10

No matter how tempted, don't say out loud how much your date resembles your mother.

Date Tips 11

A girl should be like a good hammer. She should be the right weight, be comfortable to hold, be helpful when you need something done, and when her head falls off you get a new one.

Date Tips 12

Rousing duets of "Great Green Gobs of Greasy, Grimy, Gopher Guts" are not romantic.

Date Tips 13

I believe a little incompatibility is the spice of life, particularly if he has income and she is pattable.

Date Tips 14

When you want to make a good first impression, don't use "If I were a moose and you were a duck and we had a child, it would be a Moose-duck. It would go 'MWACK!'" as your pick-up line.

Date Tips 15

There should never be any point on the date where you have to say, "So I'm a masochist on a diet, am I?"

Date Tips 16

Girls always fall for those gay men. Try that strategy.

Date Tips 17

Don't try to stab a guy with a rubber chicken.

Fighting Rules 1

Don't use the excuse "I have to go and get my toe hair pulled."

Fighting Rules 2

Don't try to scare him/her with your belly cheese.

Fighting Rules 3

Never taunt your opponent into hitting you for no good reason.

Fighting Rules 4

Don't toss mud at the guy, logs might work, however.

Fighting Rules 5

Don't sic your little brother on him.

Fighting Rules 6

Never ask your opponent to go out to dinner with you after the fight.

Fighting Rules 7

Don't tell him that you are the sun god Ra and that you will burn him if he touches you.

Fighting Rules 8

Never say that you have super powers and if he hits you will turn him into a cheerleader.

Fighting Rules 9

Bellycheeseophobia - Fear of Turkeys.

Little-known Phobias 1

Phobiaphobia - Fear of fearing.

Little-known Phobias 2

Againagainophobia - fear of Teletubbies.

Little-known Phobias 3

TYophobia - Fear of beanie babies.

Little-known Phobias 4

*Bzzzap*ophobia - Fear of becoming drunk and relieving oneself on the middle rail of a train track.

Little-known Phobias 5

Turkeyophobia - Fear of belly cheese.

Little-known Phobias 6

Buggerophobia - Fear of British slang.

Little-known Phobias 7

Mr.Bigglesworthophobia - Fear of naked cats

Little-known Phobias 8

Dearjohnophobia - Fear of Toilets

Little-known Phobias 9

Minimeophobia - Fear that someone will make a tiny clone of you to terrorize your cats.

Little-known Phobias 10

It's not easy to take over the world with a cucumber.

Pointless Facts 1

Whenever you are walking on a turtle, wear a helmet.

Pointless Facts 2

Trees are not food.

Pointless Facts 3

Swimming in a pool is good exercise; swimming in Jell-O is tasty.

Pointless Facts 4

When someone is drowning, don't give him or her French fries.

Pointless Facts 5

No matter what people tell you, you are NOT a cream puff.

Pointless Facts 6

When In doubt, shave the cat.

Pointless Facts 7

Smoking is hazardous to your health, and so are anvils.

Pointless Facts 8

If you want to call a Ring-tailed Lemur, don't just say, "HEY LEMUR!"

Pointless Facts 9

Don't eat the family pet.

Pointless Facts 10

If you are faced by a stampede of elephants, try not to look like a peanut.

Pointless Facts 11

Logs are our friends.

Pointless Facts 12

Don't pick a fight with a sweater.

Pointless Facts 13

Even if a person is named Fudge, they still won't taste good.

Pointless Facts 14

When in a pig calling contest, It doesn't help to bring a phone.

Pointless Facts 15

Not everyone likes mud the way you do. Don't put it on other people's plates.

Pointless Facts 16

Don't take other people's belly cheese, especially when they are fond of it.

Pointless Facts 17

Cats don't need watering.

Pointless Facts 18

People have no use for Pizza shavers.

Pointless Facts 19

If you need help, don't ask your Hobo.

Pointless Facts 20

Don't go to school for the sole purpose of making fish.

Pointless Facts 21

Don't give Dogs fleas, and vice-versa.

Pointless Facts 22

"Road kill" Is a bad name for a Hamster.

Pointless Facts 23

Don't sit up all night at a sleepover saying "My dog died" when he didn't.

Pointless Facts 24

Going to the bathroom is not good in a car.

Pointless Facts 25

Fish don't need toothpaste.

Pointless Facts 26

You don't need a wheel to find a dog.

Pointless Facts 27

If you have a pet alligator, don't call him "Mr. Suitcase".

Pointless Facts 28

It is not necessary to be friendly to soup.

Pointless Facts 29

Belly cheese won't kill you in your sleep.

Pointless Facts 30

Fire Hydrants make good pets.

Pointless Facts 31

When you go rock hunting, don't bring a gun.

Pointless Facts 32

The Internet is not a toy. It's not a plushy either.

Pointless Facts 33

When in Rome, speak Italian.

Pointless Facts 34

Not everyone needs a car baker.

Pointless Facts 35

Never trust anyone that wants to kill your asparagus.

Pointless Facts 36

You cannot grow belly cheese on mars.

Pointless Facts 37

No matter what people say, there isn't a planet called "lunch".

Pointless Facts 38

It is impossible to be strangled by a book.

Pointless Facts 39

Jumping off of roofs is a great way to start the day.

Pointless Facts 40

Cats will never live in a beach ball.

Pointless Facts 41

When a guy asks for your wallet, don't give him your potato.

Pointless Facts 42

Cats need love, cabinets don't.

Pointless Facts 43

Greeting someone by eating his or her hat is FUN.

Pointless Facts 44

A carrot is not a good weapon.

Pointless Facts 45

Cows will never need a towel.

Pointless Facts 46

When you're swimming, don't carry an extension cord.

Pointless Facts 47

It is unlikely you ever will get the Moon's autograph.

Pointless Facts 48

No matter how appealing it may be, don't dance with a tree.

Pointless Facts 49

Pointlessness is tasty.

Pointless Facts 50

No matter how interesting, people will never want to see your pizza cutter.

Pointless Facts 51

When going on your first date, don't give the girl a bouquet of salami.

Pointless Facts 52

Belly Cheese Pizza will simply never catch on.

Pointless Facts 53

One can never have too much gas.

Pointless Facts 54

Toads will never hurt you.

Pointless Facts 55

The government never wanted to take your bookmark.

Pointless Facts 56

Eating forks does not help you grow hair.

Pointless Facts 57

Do not stuff turkey with marshmallows.

Pointless Facts 58

Paper plates make good boats.

Pointless Facts 59

Don't play baseball in restaurants.

Pointless Facts 60

Chickens don't need hockey pucks.

Pointless Facts 61

Squirrels don't want you to go to the zoo and free the kangaroos.

Pointless Facts 62

That tree isn't trying to kill you.

Pointless Facts 63

Cow licking is a GREAT way of getting exercise, and very tasty.

Pointless Facts 64

Rocks do not thirst.

Pointless Facts 65

Cheese is the world's greatest resource.

Pointless Facts 66

Logs have never and will never be a good source of protein.

Pointless Facts 67

Belly cheese cannot grow and take over the world.

Pointless Facts 68

Catsup is not a viable means of transportation.

Pointless Facts 69

Tofu has no teeth to bite.

Pointless Facts 70

That tree isn't trying to kill your belly cheese, either.

Pointless Facts 71

You don't impress your new teacher by saying, "You're a pretty, pretty teacher, yes you are."

Pointless Facts 72

Puppet shows are nothing but people with cloth on their hands, not evil space aliens planning a world-takeover.

Pointless Facts 73

"Why I like Skinned Knees" ISN'T a good name for a book.

Pointless Facts 74

Pointlessness won't entertain belly cheese.

Pointless Facts 75

Fortune cookies aren't really alive, unless they're very, very old.

Pointless Facts 76

"Free puppies" usually means they want someone to help the puppies escape.

Pointless Facts 77

Many people are entertained by gerbils.

Pointless Facts 78

Don't tell a lie, unless the squid men want you to.

Pointless Facts 79

Fish-shaped suitcases are ALWAYS funny.

Pointless Facts 80

People would feel differently about cutting down trees if they always screamed for no good reason.

Pointless Facts 81

Putting your hamster in the microwave won't teach it French.

Pointless Facts 82

Rocks don't care about people. You'll have to do it yourself.

Pointless Facts 83

Always go to limbo over picking the umbrella.

Pointless Facts 84

I doubt you will ever lay eggs.

Pointless Facts 85

"Going to see the wizard" won't get out out of Spanish class.

Pointless Facts 86

Girls don't like being called Vulcans.

Pointless Facts 87

Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy submarines.

Pointless Facts 88

If you don't know what it is, it's a good idea not to touch it. But that's no fun.

Pointless Facts 89

It's a safe bet that when you're trapped on a desert island, you don't want to see how far you can throw all the useful stuff into the active volcano.

Pointless Facts 90

It's your own fault when the potatoes suck your blood.

Pointless Facts 91

Maybe if you stopped hanging out at Chuck E. Cheese's you could have a real girlfriend.

Pointless Facts 92

Asking me for "Blazing saddles" will probably result in a lot of frightened horses.

Pointless Facts 93

Just because it has "Made In China" on it doesn't mean they used it to escape to America.

Pointless Facts 94

When you're mad at someone, you give them "A peice of your mind." NOT "Peace of mind".

Pointless Facts 95

Don't show them any pithy.

Pointless Facts 96

Aliens exist, but only in the minds of the people who claim to have been abducted.

Pointless Facts 97

If you play a Microsoft CD backwards you hear satanic messages, but if you play it forwards it installs Windows.

Pointless Facts 98

A male flasher is a criminal, but a female one is a tourist attraction.

Pointless Facts 99

Alcohol: The cause of and solution to all of life's problems.

Pointless Facts 100

Always treat a sack of flour like a real child.

Pointless Facts 101

An enemy is just a friend who is trying to kill you.

Pointless Facts 102

C: A language combining the flexability of assembly with the power of assembly.

Pointless Facts 103

Computers are Satan's progeny, avoid them at all costs.

Pointless Facts 104

Do not kiss a gift horse on the mouth.

Pointless Facts 105

Don't call it "Marriage" call it "Patience". It's less misleading.

Pointless Facts 106

Don't invent things that have already been thought of.

Pointless Facts 107

Even though it makes sense, Guybrush Threepwood is not a software pirate.

Pointless Facts 108

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

Pointless Facts 109

In an infinite universe, everything that can happen will happen.

Pointless Facts 110

Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetical as it may seem at first.

Pointless Facts 111

Marriage is an institution to be endured.

Pointless Facts 112

Nobody writes jokes in base 13.

Pointless Facts 113

Strawberry Pop Tarts may be a cheap and inexpensive source of incendiary devices.

Pointless Facts 114

The road to Hell is paved with the souls of the innocent.

Pointless Facts 115

The trouble with troubleshooting is that trouble sometimes shoots back.

Pointless Facts 116

Tupperware tubs have poor aerodynamics.

Pointless Facts 117

Unless you want a world where Keanu Reeves obtains GODLIKE POWER the Laws of Robotics are a good thing.

Pointless Facts 118

Garbage is not reccomended for oral consumption.

Pointless Facts 119

"Mulan 2: We Just Don't Care About The Chinese People's Legends."

Rejected Movie Titles 1

Sequel 4: Revenging Return of the Son of a True Story.

Rejected Movie Titles 2

"The Land Before Time XIX: Littlefoot V.S. The Meteor"

Rejected Movie Titles 3

"The Blair Witch Project 3D"

Rejected Movie Titles 4

"Titanic II: Jack Undead"

Rejected Movie Titles 5

"Fantasia 2000: Judgment Day"

Rejected Movie Titles 6

"Mickey Mouse and Sylvester the Cat in: Warner Brothers Rules!"

Rejected Movie Titles 7

"The Rescuers Up Yours"

Rejected Movie Titles 8

"Silence of the Lambs 2: It Turns Out People Are Really High in Fat"

Rejected Movie Titles 9

"Annalize This"

Rejected Movie Titles 10

"Sinbad the Sailor 2: Sinbad and the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything"

Rejected Movie Titles 11

"The Day the Sky Wore Plaid"

Rejected Movie Titles 12

You start each morning with a rousing game of gin rummy.

Signs that You are Not Normal 1

You get up on the wrong side of the bed... the bottom side.

Signs that You are Not Normal 2

At some point in your life you've eaten a Belly Cheese sandwich.

Signs that You are Not Normal 3

You were schooled for 13 years... all the same grade.

Signs that You are Not Normal 4

You have regular conversations with a tree on the other side of the lawn.

Signs that You are Not Normal 5

Your meals consist of Star Trek, in various forms.

Signs that You are Not Normal 6

You are an avid collector of water

Signs that You are Not Normal 7

You get exited about waking up in the middle of the night.

Signs that You are Not Normal 8

Your favorite pastime is making homemade cheese.

Signs that You are Not Normal 9

When you were born, they threw away the mold! ...and some of it grew back...

Signs that You are Not Normal 10

You wrote a Hymn titled, "Oh my God, its Full of Stars."

Signs that You are Not Normal 11

You think "The Incomprehensible / Strategy + Creativity = Digital Perception" makes sense.

Signs that You are Not Normal 12

You have a sign on the wall saying "There is no place like 127.0.0.1"

Signs that You are Not Normal 13

"Cleanup in OR 3. Cleanup in OR 3"

Things not to Hear during Surgery 1

"Gee, I've never see THAT before..."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 2

"I really hope my malpractice insurance covers that..."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 3

"Heh, look what happens when I poke his heart!"

Things not to Hear during Surgery 4

"whoops, well, that's the end of THAT organ..."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 5

"Hey, where's the thymus? SOMEONE FIND THE THYMUS!"

Things not to Hear during Surgery 6

"Clamp?" "Clamp." "Sponge?" "Sponge.""Sandwich?" "sandwich."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 7

"Hey! That looks like Elvis! Someone get a camera, quick!"

Things not to Hear during Surgery 8

"Nurse, get that one sharp pokey-thing so we can cut the hole in him."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 9

"We're out of anesthetic? Well, I guess We'll do this the old-fashioned way."

Things not to Hear during Surgery 10

Going to Wal*Mart and tricking the old people into thinking I'm a superhero.

Things that Make Me Happy 1

Finally getting out that big clump of belly cheese that's been bugging you for days

Things that Make Me Happy 2

Waking up in the middle of the night.

Things that Make Me Happy 3

Hearing people release farts measurable on the Richter scale while accepting an oscar.

Things that Make Me Happy 4

Antidisestablishmentarianism.

Things that Make Me Happy 5

When weird Grandpa Joe talks to me from the hole in the floor.

Things that Make Me Happy 6

Zoloft (The one with Strong Sad's decapitated head)

Things that Make Me Happy 7

Pauly Shore's timely demise. Wait, you're not supposed to know that yet.

Things that Make Me Happy 8

"You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around-Woah! AUGH OW OW WAUGH OW OW ROCK OW OW TREE OW OW AUGH ANGRY BEAR HELP AUUUUUUAGH!!!!"

Things that Make Me Happy 9

Any practical joke that involves the antagonist saying "I'm looking for a Lou Peeker. Are there any Lou Peekers here?"

Things that Make Me Happy 10

Opening a newspaper machines, taking out all the papers, and leaving them on top of the box.

Things that Make Me Happy 11

Work at the One Hour Photo Counter (Ha ha Matt!)

Things to do in Wal*Mart 1

Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 2

Leave small sacrifices or gifts in the hands of the mannequins.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 3

Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

Things to do in Wal*Mart 4

Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 5

When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

Things to do in Wal*Mart 6

Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 7

Get people to bet on the battle described above.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 8

While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

Things to do in Wal*Mart 9

Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

Things to do in Wal*Mart 10

When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"

Things to do in Wal*Mart 11

"If you give me a ticket, I'll turn you into a cheerleader!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 1

"Officer, *I* am your father!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 2

"Why, when I was a child I walked in a straight line like this for six miles barefoot in the snow! Uphill both ways!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 3

"Tell the voices to go away, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE TELL THE VOICES TO GO AWAY!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 4

"But my belt buckle IS my identification!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 5

"I'm sorry, I don't have my license because I'm not wearing any pants."

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 6

"You don't need to see my identification. These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move along."

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 7

"Well, your eyes are a little glazed, officer, have you been eating doughnuts?"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 8

"BOW BEFORE THE GREAT GLOWING HAMSTER, SIR!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 9

"If you call this a straight line maybe you should be the one taking the test!"

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 10

"Big Brother is watching you."

Things You Never Say to a Police Officer 11

A bird in the hand is worth a thousand words.

Unfortunate Fortunes 1

"Impossible" is a mistake. It's actually supposed to be "I'm possible."

Unfortunate Fortunes 2

A bird up the nose is worth practically nothing in the bush.

Unfortunate Fortunes 3

A genius in the hand will bite you.

Unfortunate Fortunes 4

A hairy neck brings good fortune but little love.

Unfortunate Fortunes 5

A man with belly cheese in the wrong place is not to be trusted.

Unfortunate Fortunes 6

A man's home is a house.

Unfortunate Fortunes 7

A penny saved only adds weight.

Unfortunate Fortunes 8

A picture is worth two in the bush.

Unfortunate Fortunes 9

A pool and your money are soon joined.

Unfortunate Fortunes 10

A stomach full of digested rats means good fortune in your future.

Unfortunate Fortunes 11

A winner is you.

Unfortunate Fortunes 12

A winner never quits, a quitter never wins, and those in between are in trouble.

Unfortunate Fortunes 13

A wise man always has two wives.

Unfortunate Fortunes 14

All your base are belong to us!

Unfortunate Fortunes 15

Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said, "The Truck!"

Unfortunate Fortunes 16

Ask again later.

Unfortunate Fortunes 17

Beware the day the chalk strikes 13.

Unfortunate Fortunes 18

Beware the man with Belly cheese in his hair.

Unfortunate Fortunes 19

DON'T EAT ME!! AUGGHH!!!!!

Unfortunate Fortunes 20

Hace viento.

Unfortunate Fortunes 21

He who drinks his coffee black has a name.

Unfortunate Fortunes 22

He who hesitates pees outside.

Unfortunate Fortunes 23

He who hesitates is probably in the wrong line.

Unfortunate Fortunes 24

He who lives in glass house should dress in basement.

Unfortunate Fortunes 25

He who stands on toilet is high on pot.

Unfortunate Fortunes 26

It's always in the last place you look.

Unfortunate Fortunes 27

One man's meat is another man's loincloth.

Unfortunate Fortunes 28

Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by attacking back.

Unfortunate Fortunes 29

Sometimes kneeling and punching will get things moving.

Unfortunate Fortunes 30

The early bird gets nothing, because the worm isn't awake yet.

Unfortunate Fortunes 31

There's love in your future... or past.

Unfortunate Fortunes 32

You will be the best.

Unfortunate Fortunes 33

You're as stimulating as a lionfish in a kiddy pool.

Unfortunate Fortunes 34

Your life will be met with success and failure.

Unfortunate Fortunes 35

The best gifts are those we give ourselves.

Unfortunate Fortunes 36

Life's a lot easier once you accept that you're not going to amount to anything.

Unfortunate Fortunes 37

"DON'T EAT THE STINKY CHEESE!"

Unmentionables 1

"Hey, want to go to the Girl's locker room and play Poker?"

Unmentionables 2

"How come the printer is foaming out moldy cheese?"

Unmentionables 3

"Oh, look what the little monkey left in my shoe."

Unmentionables 4

"Hey, I am not a drinking fountain!"

Unmentionables 5

"SPOO!!!"

Unmentionables 6

"Get away from my belly cheese!"

Unmentionables 7

"Disc men do not make good toilet seats, so don't go in there!"

Unmentionables 8

"Hey! those moldy hot dogs are mine!"

Unmentionables 9

"Why is that M&M throwing a baseball at me?"

Unmentionables 10

"Why is there liquid hotdogs in the refrigerator?"

Unmentionables 11

"There no place like the outhouse, after Uncle Bill went in it!"

Unmentionables 12

"Pudding baths aren't good for your skin, so put all those boxes back!"

Unmentionables 13

"Get your dog away from my jellyfish!"

Unmentionables 14

"Get that tree trunk out of your nose."

Unmentionables 15

"I like to sniff moldy cheese, at night, with my dog, while playing Clue."

Unmentionables 16

"Why is there a comet laughing at my cat."

Unmentionables 17

"My belly button isn't a toilet, so get off me."

Unmentionables 18

"Get those earphones off my fish!"

Unmentionables 19

"Stop chopping that Christmas tree with my butcher knife, it's July anyway!"

Unmentionables 20

"I wonder why the United States is glowing?"

Unmentionables 21

"Bow before the great glowing hamster, fool!"

Unmentionables 22

"You shouldn't play basketball in your underwear, it would be to small for enough people to fit in it anyway."

Unmentionables 23

"Will you stop licking my pet rock?"

Unmentionables 24

"That's my toothbrush, not a lawn mower."

Unmentionables 25

"Your ear wax collection is NO place for a bumblebee."

Unmentionables 26

"Get that Christmas ornament out of your nose."

Unmentionables 27

"Stop plugging your earphones into my gerbil."

Unmentionables 28

"Your pet rock just went through my sleeve."

Unmentionables 29

"I hate it when squirrels fall through my roof."

Unmentionables 30

"Stop flicking semis at me."

Unmentionables 31

"That kangaroo ate my boxers."

Unmentionables 32

"You cannot use a mouse your cat found for your computer, Billy."

Unmentionables 33

"I just saw a yellow flying cow pile."

Unmentionables 34

"I wish they'd stop dumping toxic waste into my hot tub."

Unmentionables 35

"Stop flicking your mouse."

Unmentionables 36

"You're a pretty pretty teacher, yes you are, OH yes you are!"

Unmentionables 37

"You might want to delete my eye infection."

Unmentionables 38

"What? You flicked your mouse again!?!"

Unmentionables 39

"You got to stop letting your computer decorate the Christmas tree."

Unmentionables 40

"Stop making disgusting noises with my pump and parts of your body."

Unmentionables 41

"Boogers do not make good floppy disks, they don't make good ropes either."

Unmentionables 42

"Telephone wires don't make good trampolines, so get off that pole."

Unmentionables 43

"Make your legs stop whining."

Unmentionables 44

"Chairs don't make good roller coasters, unless you fall backwards in them."

Unmentionables 45

"Parachutes are not to be used as swimming pools, so stop bothering me."

Unmentionables 46

"Flags don't make good shopping carts, so put it back or the manager will get mad."

Unmentionables 47

"Stop trying to pump you nose up with that thing."

Unmentionables 48

"Stop trying to pump my mud man up."

Unmentionables 49

"That is not what a pump is for, Jimbo."

Unmentionables 50

"Why do people keep thinking my hair is a muskrat nest?"

Unmentionables 51

"BOOGLE MOO!"

Unmentionables 52

"Captain! Those aren't your Tribbles!"

Unmentionables 53

"Since when do monkeys get all the presents?"

Unmentionables 54

"Haha! My grandma sure is funny when she falls down the stairs!"

Unmentionables 55

"Gosh darn it, when I say 'Stop stealing my organs', I really mean it!"

Unmentionables 56

"Your farts sound like an annoying little dog."

Unmentionables 57

"I'm a Danish! Eat me!"

Unmentionables 58

"Go away, you Bearded Mexican!"

Unmentionables 59

"I spent my entire freshman year chasing an invisible flying hot dog!!!"

Unmentionables 60

"What did you say? I was in limbo."

Unmentionables 61

"That's one small step for man, and I'm gay."

Unmentionables 62

"I tried to give him mouth to mouth, but he kept on getting up and walking away!"

Unmentionables 63

"That reminds me of a stomach full of digested rats!"

Unmentionables 64

"I'm sorry, sir, but my nasal cavity is simply out of control today."

Unmentionables 65

"Ahoy! My bathtub is on seventeenth avenue!"

Unmentionables 66

"Which way to the Omega Flare?"

Unmentionables 67

"My pride isn't just a bunch of silly lions in Africa, you know!"

Unmentionables 68

"Dance with me! Dance, my pretty pretty mud pile!"

Unmentionables 69

"Well how was I supposed to know she was going to catch fire like that?"

Unmentionables 70

"I can't believe you forgot to pick up some Toe Crispies at the store."

Unmentionables 71

"Well, at least when the Earth explodes it'll solve that Martian problem."

Unmentionables 72

"I can't help the fact that when women see me the dance the funky chicken!"

Unmentionables 73

"It'll be purple and orange and have thirteen tentacles that it uses to crush it's enemies. Oh yes, and choosing it gives you an ear infection."

Unmentionables 74

"After this whole Jay Leno/Pauly Shore/Mud wrestling crisis is over, I expect you all to return to your boxes, you hear?"

Unmentionables 75

"The fact that you have gained incredible powers over space and time does not mean you can take that tone of voice with me, young man!"

Unmentionables 76

"I have not seen such acts of villainy since the time your little brother got out."

Unmentionables 77

"Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Unmentionables 78

"I gotta go fluff the Garfield."

Unmentionables 79

"Don't forget a small part in 'Brazil'."

Unmentionables 80

"I've got one heck of a case of the Fecal Greaseballs."

Unmentionables 81

"Fish heads fish heads rolly polly fish heads fish heads fish heads eat them up, yum!"

Unmentionables 82

"Ford, you're turning into a penguin. Stop it."

Unmentionables 83

"Heroin is my Anti-Drug. ...Er, never mind."

Unmentionables 84

"The ceiling tiles will be with you. Always."

Unmentionables 85

"All your base are belong to us"

Unmentionables 86

"Three liters of water is a worthy substitute for sunlight."

Unmentionables 87

"Trigonomically speaking, you're an idiot."

Unmentionables 88

Mr. Log and his smelly adventures.

Unpopular Books 1

Pasty White and the Seven Linux Servers

Unpopular Books 2

Septic Tank Cleaning For Dummies

Unpopular Books 3

Belly Cheese and you.

Unpopular Books 4

How to smell dog breath.

Unpopular Books 5

How to inflate your cat, and why.

Unpopular Books 6

Fifty best pictures of fire hydrants.

Unpopular Books 7

How to take pictures of key rings.

Unpopular Books 8

How to turn your computer on.

Unpopular Books 9

Why pizza makes good wallpaper.

Unpopular Books 10

How to stack folders.

Unpopular Books 11

How to avoid tree trunks.

Unpopular Books 12

The Meaning of Life: My Day With an Infinite Number of Monkeys.

Unpopular Books 13

Life Doesn't Have to be Rocket Surgery!

Unpopular Books 14

Insomniaing Your Way to Happiness

Unpopular Books 15

Largest piece of belly cheese

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 1

Wettest Sneeze

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 2

Longest loose clothes string.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 3

Longest amount of detention spent in a year.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 4

Longest time spent in a mall staring at passerby's.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 5

Highest skydive without a parachute.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 6

Largest amount of bee stings on one body.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 7

Largest amounts of belly cheese eaten in one sitting.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 8

Largest pile of cow pies sat in.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 9

Highest amount of failed dates.

World Records Nobody Wants To Break 10

...the girl you've been dating turns out to be a ex-con named Fred.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 1

...instead of getting a prize in your cracker jack box you get Anthrax.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 2

...you accidentally set your wife on fire at the wedding when you put the ring on her finger.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 3

...you are allergic to anything white.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 4

...your fortune cookie was blank.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 5

...being your own boss got you fired.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 6

...the automatic door at the supermarket breaks your leg every time you walk through it.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 7

...psychics avoid you.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 8

...the frog you dissected in high school sublimated before you even had the chance to touch it.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 9

...you work at a ladder factory,inspecting the undersides.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 10

...people just won't stop cloroforming you.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 11

...your copy of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy says "GO AHEAD. PANIC. YOU'RE SCREWED ANYWAY." in large friendly letters on the cover.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 12

...whenever you think "It can't possibly be worse" nothing worse happens because it really IS as bad as it gets.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 13

... you don't live life in the fast lane, you're in the oncoming traffic.

Your Luck May be Bad When... 14