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Date a teenager
You get a date with Sheena, a mildly attractive 16-years old. You buy her a car, a large beach house, a small potato, and give her your control over the world and your amazing SUPERDARKLORD powers.
You still don't get any, which is a good thing, since you might've ended up in jail if you did. So now you're alone, powerless, in the middle of a non-Superdarklord midlife crisis, and everybody hates you.