"No, That's Not Right!"

"No, That's Not Right!" shouts a weedy voice behind you. You turn and see a nerd pedant. His little hands are clenched in white-knuckled rage.

"Beg your pardon?" you say.

"You're wrong!" the pedant shouts, "That's not how you're supposed to do the Holy Hand Grenade! You're supposed to pull the holy pin, count 'one, two, three' and throw it!" He grimaces for a moment, then adds, "Or you can say 'Five' like in the movie!"

"Oh," you say, "I see the problem. That's what you do for a Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. I threw a Holy Hand Grenade of Byzantium." You give a wan smile and add, "It's Eastern Orthodox."

The pedant stands stiff and frozen before you. His mouth is moving, but no sound is coming out. You wonder if it's too high-pitched for you to hear.

"Listen," you continue, "The thing is, Monty Python references..." you trail off. This is a sensitive subject, so you need to choose your words carefully.

"They suck," you say, "They're not funny. They haven't been funny in decades."

The pedant is now motionless, no longer even attempting to speak. His face has darkened to a disturbing shade of purple. A vein on his forehead is bulging out.

"If I'm going to be a part of a Monty Python reference," you go on, "It's gotta bring something new to the table. We can't just keep saying the same old jokes until we die."

The pedant's vein is throbbing disturbingly. To your horror, you realize his blood is literally boiling in his veins. Tiny jets of steam start whistling out of his ears.

The pedant begins to shudder alarmingly and you hastily rush up the stairs, click shut the golden chest, and leap behind it. You're not a moment too soon. The pedant explodes in a shower of scalding hot blood and steam. It's always impressive how much steam comes out of a steam explosion.

As the air clears you cough and splutter. It'll be a while before you get the taste of copper out of your mouth.