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Offer Johnny Wallbank to the Tofu god as a sacrifice
"Look!" you say to the Tofu god, "Nice fresh Johnny Wallbank ready to eat!"
"HEY!" Johnny says, but the Tofu god interrupts.
What kind of STUPID Priestess are you, anyway? The Tofu god sighs, I'm made of TOFU. Don't you think it's possible I DON'T EAT MEAT?
Undaunted you pick Johnny up by the sweetmeats and toss him directly into the Tofu god's mouth.
The Tofu god screams in abject rage and accidentally bites Johnny in half. He spits out the bloody carcass and screams SACRILEGE! YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR CARNIVOROUS ACTIONS!