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You run. Really, really fast. And then you trip over a koala. You fall toward a kid, and you impale yourself on his popsicle. You continue to fall toward the ground with a popsicle in your chest. Suddenly, the street opens up and you fall into a deep magma pit. You can feel the heat from the molten rocks below rising up to scorch your body. Then Ronny's boys appear above the crack and shoot you full of holes. As you fall, you think aloud: "Man, I could really use a Coke right about now." Suddenly, the Coke fairy appears and hands you a magical red can of magical magic. Coke, that is. You take a sip, but you instantly realize that there is cyanide in the drink. That dirty Coke fairy, she tried to kill you. Your cyanide-poisoned body impacts the magma at a super-sonic velocity, causing violent eruptions resulting in the total destruction of Your Home City. Ten thousand years later, scientists dig you up and bring you back from the brink of death using CPR.

Unconfirmed