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Give up and pass out
You feel as if your legs have been chopped off with a giant metal boomerang, you fall on the ground.
Everything goes dark.
You wake up and above you stands a small boy with a bat and a red hat, a pretty little girl with golden hair, a dorky looking boy holding lots of gadgets, and a short muscular boy in a katate gi and with a small puff of hair on the top of his head.
The small boy speaks. "Are u ok? We beat up the buzzards that were picking at you, and Poo and I revived you. My friend here Paula nurtured you back to health, and Jeff over there made this camp to protect us."
"Oh, Mother," you moan. Paula blushes and waves slightly and Jeff smiles and straightens his glasses. "Where are we?" you ask, "Still on Titan?"
"Oh, no," the boy explains, "We're entirely Earthbound."
"Fair enough," you say. Best not to look a gift transportation back to Earth in the teleportation mechanism.