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"Excellent," says Al, "The classic swordfighting weapon!"

"I thought that was more a rapier," you say.

"You kiss your mother with that mouth? Anyway, the first thing you need to know about swordfighting is it's not about swords."

This comes as somewhat of a surprise. You vocalize this concern.

"Yeah, everyone gets it wrong," Al explains, "Swordfighting is really about insults."

"NANI???" you exclaim, forgetting for a moment your native tounge.

"I know! It's crazy! Here, let me demonstrate. Come at me like you mean to cut off my left pinky."

"OK!!!" you lunge for his left pinky, determined to chop it off in one fell swoop.

Unexpectedly, Al says, "You fight like a dairy farmer!" with the air of someone expecting a reply.

"I am rubber, you are glue!" you shout, but to no avail. In moments you're disarmed and helpless.

"Do you know what your mistake was?" Al asks.

"I should have just gutted you from liver to sweetmeats?" you ask.

"No. You didn't have a comeback. That's what swordfighting is all about. A cutting remark, a blocking comeback!" Al's eyes take on a distinctive glazed-over look. "Back and forth, a battle of wits and wills!"

"You're a looney."

"I am NOT a looney!"

"Oh, right. Now, let's try this again..."

Time passes...

You gained a new ability: Insult Swordfighting!